The Happiness Formula: Friendship, Love, and Health
How Best to Pursue Happiness
Thomas Jefferson wrote in the Declaration of Independence that we have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. He wasn’t the only person in history to value happiness so highly. Many ancient Greek philosophers, like Epicurus and Aristippus, thought the best way to live life was to experience as much pleasure as you could and avoid as much pain as possible. After all, is it not self-evident that pleasure is something good and worth pursuing in and of itself and pain is something bad and rational to avoid in and of itself? However, does this mean we should immediately start doing hard drugs and partying every night? No, for these in the long run result in more pain than pleasure due to their negative health effects and ability to destroy your life.
So, what does make us happy then, and can psychological research help answer that question? As it turns out, yes it can, and it shows us exactly what Epicurus said made us happiest was right all along. What we need most in life is friendship and lots of it.
The Importance of Friendship
The above sentiments were supported as the case by a long-lasting Harvard study that kept track of people and how their lives were from 1938 all the way till their deaths even 80 years later. What it discovered was that the greatest determining factor for whether someone had lived a happy life was not how rich they were or famous they were but how many close warm relationships they possessed. In fact, those who lived alone without having any close warm relationships, or very few, in their life had their health negatively impacted. Their health was hurt even to a similar degree that being an alcoholic or long-term smoker would hurt your health. Therefore, social connection isn’t just good for your mental health but even your physical health. Harvard wasn’t the only one to report this finding either, many other studies have also repeated these findings. Sources for this can be found here and here.
So, if someone wanted to increase their overall life satisfaction and happiness it would seem forming close friendships and having a successful marriage would be the most important things to focus on accomplishing. Also, let me be clear, it is close and true friendships that matter most, not just more superficial connections.
Who Our Close Friends Are
A close friend can be understood as someone who cares about you for your own sake and wants you to do well in life. They are someone you can trust and who knows a lot of intimate details about you and you know a lot of personal information about them. After learning all these things about you and your life, they accept you for who you are and you accept them. However, a true friend also sometimes gives you advice and moral guidance in life because they care about you. Furthermore, a close friend is someone who is drawn by you and will want to spend some time with you regularly when possible.
This understanding of close friendship would, therefore, seem to exclude more casual relationships we might have. Examples of this could be with coworkers, people we simply play sports or games with, or people we only see out of utility like a hairstylist or family doctor. By contrast, ideally, someone’s significant other would be their close friend. Also, so too would a few other people in their life be their close friend they’ve really gotten to know and care for. However, having both close friendships and more casual acquaintances can be good for one’s mental health in ensuring they don’t feel lonely. Yet, close friends seem to be far more important to have for one’s well-being than casual friends. However, why is this the case and why are friends so important for our happiness and health?
The Health Effects of Loneliness
One leading theory would seem to be that friends help us regulate our emotions. So, for example, when we get stressed out and our blood pressure goes up, stress hormones rise and circulate through the body, and our breathing becomes more rapid our close friends can help us calm down and relax.
This results in us leaving negative states of mind detrimental to our health quicker than we otherwise normally would have. Therefore, our friends help us keep our blood pressure down, lower the amount of stress hormones in our body, and breathe more regularly when they are there for us.
Furthermore, it would seem those who suffer from loneliness are constantly stressed out by their lack of social interaction and meaningful connections. So, not only do they not have enough close friends to calm them down in stressful times but their lack of close relationships itself is a big stressor in their life constantly eating away at their health and happiness. Lonely people tend to have higher levels of circulating cortisol, and higher levels of chronic inflammation, and these things gradually wear down the body. Therefore, alongside having a good diet, sleeping well, and exercising, friendship seems just as important for our well-being. After all, not only does close friendship have all these aforementioned positive health effects but it also is shown to be a huge casual factor for living a happy life. Close relationships, more so than being rich or having a high social status, were what was shown to make people happy throughout their lives. Deep interpersonal connection therefore seems to be a need we all share and have to meet in our lives in order to thrive.
Failing to cultivate close friendships and being chronically lonely was shown to be as detrimental to people’s health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day. So, if you value living a happy, healthy, and pleasurable life, you ought to focus more on maintaining and deepening your relationships with the people around you. Spend more time with your loved ones, reach out to some people you like who you haven’t talked to in a while, and make sure you’re not alone.
